This story starts at the end of last summer when my friend Rachel found a caterpillar on a milkweed plant, brought it inside her home, and watched its metamorphosis in real time.
I also watched that metamorphosis in real time—enamored by the beauty of it all. Though maybe enamored isn’t the exact right word. Is there a word that means both in awe and extremely jealous at the same time? Like, envy except not the kind that diminishes how happy you are for the other person? Google tells me there’s not, but, still, that’s how I felt.
I’ll find my own caterpillar someday, I told myself as I watched her family watch their caterpillar. I’ll bring that magic inside my house someday.
So, I shouldn’t have to tell you who I texted first when Jude and I spotted a huge, green caterpillar crawling across our driveway on Tuesday morning. This caterpillar was past its pickle and swiss cheese and, as far as I could tell, ready for a nice green leaf. Live footage of my dreams coming true, I texted Rachel along with a video of our caterpillar crawling along a milkweed plant we found in the backyard.
I spent the next ten minutes trying to figure out where exactly to house our new pet given that we don’t own a butterfly terrarium and also didn’t have time to go buy one. I sized all my vases and sent Jake into the shed to see if we had a rogue net somewhere in a corner. I stood at my kitchen table with a sand sifter on top of a tall vase which Rachel assured me was probably too small, but I figured it would make do until I could get something adequate. All the while, I imagined our kids’ faces as we watched the caterpillar wrap itself into a cocoon. I felt the anticipation of the inevitable waiting and the joy in the moment we would watch something new break forth from the stillness. And when I went outside to get our caterpillar so the magic could begin, it was gone.
Well that was short lived, I texted Rachel who responded appropriately with some sobbing gifs.
It’s not a story worth telling, really. There’s no payoff for you as a reader because it ended just about as quickly as it began, and also I tricked you a little. I got you invested in an outcome that I knew wasn’t going to come. No one was made better or changed by any of this—there was literally no metamorphosis—but here I am telling you about it anyway.
It wasn’t meant to be, but maybe that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth telling?
There are a lot of success stories out there—tales of happy endings and dreams fulfilled—but what of the quiet moments that haven’t quite gotten there yet? I want more stories of people saying, I’m trying but it hasn’t happened yet or Someday maybe but not right now or I pressed pause for a bit and that’s okay or I almost had a pet caterpillar until the moment slipped right through my fingertips.
Life isn’t a straight line up; it’s more of a (I’m honestly very sorry to do this but I can’t not) butterfly life cycle. Crawl. Journey. Hide. Crawl some more. Camoflauge yourself. Crawl again. Slow down. Speed up. Help yourself to a pickle. Wrap yourself tightly in a cocoon. Transform. Repeat, though in a different and unpredictable pattern. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat in multiple ways at the exact same time.
I want more stories from the middle. More of the parts that haven’t quite worked themselves out yet. There’s magic there too.
What a delight to read about the pet that almost was🙂
I adore this. Resting in that messy middle. I'm going to think about this in my upcoming writing, because that's what I crave more of, too.